Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Monday Stories--Warning: Make them interesting.

When you wake up Monday morning, whether you feel refreshed, have a hangover or simply want to roll back over and go to sleep, start thinking of your Monday story. A Monday story is defined as the one super story you want to share with your friends/family/co-workers that defines the tone of your weekend and how much fun you had not concerning yourself with work issues. When prompted by the question, "How was your weekend?" your Monday story should be rehearsed and ready to roll off your tongue as if it just happened. It should be funny, witty and support that fact that you do not waste your weekends doing ridiculously boring things. (Side note: If no one ever asks how your weekend was, you most likely tell bad stories or never have any good ones to share--probably because you actually do ridiculously boring things to fill the mere 55 hours of freedom we are allotted--loser. I, for instance, will avoid asking about your weekend if I know the answer will yield something boring and I will automatically regret the decision to engage in conversation with you. Solution: Be more interesting or learn how to tell a better story.)

I am always ready for the "How was your weekend?" question. If I respond with "fine, thanks," it is probably because I would rather stick pins in my ears and listen to Phil Collins (the solo years) rather than ask you the question in return. I always have an interesting story and am ready to share mainly for entertainment purposes (and so I can laugh at myself one more time). I wake up Monday, usually refresh my memory of the weekend by looking through my camera at the hundreds of pictures I take (mostly to document the events that I would not otherwise remember in my blacked out state) and laugh hysterically. Once arriving at work, I go straight to my office to wait for questions from co-workers. I have responses ready for each person based on the extent in which I wish to engage in conversation. If you are fortunate enough to hear my Monday story, you may find yourself shocked, confused, surprised I am still alive or peeing your pants like the kid in Home Alone with which Kevin refuses to share a bed. Sometimes I might blow you off. It is not always personal if I blow you off with a "fine, thanks." I mean I might be busy, still hungover or just have too many stories to tell and cannot sort through them at the current moment. It is usually a direct result of my Sunday activities, which can include anything from exercising and being productive to drinking all day and becoming a mumbling, staggering, obliterate drunk.

So where am I going with this? I am simply offering advice to those who wake up Monday morning and say "Shit, I have to go to work." From now on, live it up on the weekends and come Monday, be ready to wake up, pop some Advil and think "Oh man, I have a great Monday story!" You only live once.

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